“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large -- I contain multitudes.”



― Walt Whitman

I've heard this quote before, but forgot about it until I found it online today.  Walt, you nailed it.  When I was younger I had no inkling that as an adult, as you branch out into life, that each limb pulls at the trunk.  Of course in this metaphor the trunk is my person and the limbs are that of mother, wife, daughter, employee, pet owner, self-desire, wants, needs - the list is endless.  In our front yard we have an enormous tree that I love to watch when the wind blows.  Left.  Right. Front. Back.  Sway here, sway there.  The trunk doesn't move of course, it's rooted firmly in the ground.  No matter which direction it gets pulled or pushed, it's still a tree.  Whether it goes right one moment and left the next doesn't mean it's confused about being a tree.  It's just - a tree.  And I am just me.  I may get wild on a girl's night (unfortunately not anytime even remotely recently) one night, and read the "mama cat" book as Ava calls it three times in a row the next night.  Does that mean I'm confused about who I am?  No.  I have a plethora of roles I play, and they are all me.  What confuses me is when I'm asked "well are you X or are you Y?" or "Do you want this or do you want that?" The answer is I am X and Y, and I want it all.