I've fought myself these last several days, debating whether or not to say anything, but the writer in me demands I just come out with it already. I recently discovered a former friend of mine got married. Under normal circumstances it's no biggie; however, this person has apparently managed to meet, date, become engaged and eventually married to a guy within approximately 5 months' time. Fast much? And while I understand my criticism and judgement only affects me, I think given the years we did spend as friends gives me a certain amount of rights to share my thoughts on it. Even if no one else reads this but me.
First, I think of the company she now keeps. The company she replaced me with. Company that she once shared she was jealous of specifically and jealous of the general friendship. Company that she utterly hated and judged for many years, only to become the superficial definition of BFFs and giving each other pet names. Company who's on her third marriage herself, albeit only one of them genuine, the other two contractual and purely for the sake of receiving benefits reserved for the wife of a service member. Be careful the company you keep.
How'd I find out? Well, it wasn't by snooping. It was out of doing a favor for my mother that I unearthed this gem of knowledge. I wonder, when her second marriage ends in divorce, if she'll point all fingers to the ex-husband again. If she'll point to the fact that no one knew her pain, that he really wasn't that great of a guy, that, that, that... I'm exhausted by females who play up the soul mate factor to justify hasty and idiotic decisions only to tear that wall down later to expose the real truth. That they were never happy. That no one knew their plight as his wife. Gag me. I feel more sorry for the male who was married to a fake individual from the get-go.
I also marvel at the fact that mere months ago she was broke, living at home, in debt, sometimes barely able to put gas in her vehicle, to hosting a wedding and vacationing in wine country. Makes me wonder if haste wasn't monetarily motivated. Why not? Catches her up to her peers, or where she thinks her peers are or should be by this age. Puts her back in the 'responsible adult' category of life making her legitimate again as a 30-something. These thoughts by the way are being turned around on her. They are hers. Thoughts she shared with me on why she felt uncomfortable meeting with old friends of ours because she didn't want to discuss life since she was divorced and living with her parents vs. married and living as an independent adult.
If the foundation isn't laid, how can you build upon it? Her dysfunction comes out in relationships. Without nitpicking, the ultimate result in most relationships - parents, friends, ex-husband - is her unwillingness to dig in and work for it. If it becomes uncomfortable for her, she won't address it. Avoidance is her super power. She wrote me off before her first marriage. I found out the reason for the break in our friendship after, when she was broaching divorce, because she needed me again. I may not be the most exciting friend or acquaintance she has, but I'm the most reliable, and most constant. I am the tortoise. She is now, along with her new company, the hare. Flash in the pan, sparkle for a night, one trick pony...hare. An opportunist at best, her fair weather approach to relationships will leave her sad, lonely and regretful. I asked her, right before she pulled the plug on us the first time, if 15 years of friendship meant nothing to her. Her reply was no, it didn't. Keep that in mind, new husband, and re-kindled company. Although, this relationship methodology has become a game well played by said company, so that could quickly become a who-beats-who to the punch type game.
In the meantime I will go on, slowly and unexcitedly, with my life which includes my husband of many years, my sweet 2-year-old baby girl, dogs and whatever children are to come. I'll work my same job, drive my same car, wear my same clothes but one thing has changed. I am no longer the sanity touchstone. When friends go off thinking they can do better, befriend better, they'd better be certain. I am no longer available to them. Ava changed all that. If I spend any time and energy on anyone, it'll be on my family. Friends are second. Always will be. Thanks for the chuckle.
No comments:
Post a Comment