Mission: Baby

As many of you know by now, Bill and I are on a mission to start our family.  We had a brief glimmer of hope when I became pregnant more than a year ago, but that hope was soon dashed when I miscarried and Bill left for a year to Iraq.  Six months after his return, we are back at square one working with specialists, this time here in Washington.  

We found a great reproductive specialist(s) on the east side who are apparently considered the best on the west coast.  While I loved my specialist in Missouri, I am a little confused on how to feel when I reflect on my experience between the two.  My doctor in the Midwest performed surgery, which resulted in our first pregnancy, but I miscarried just 6 weeks after.  While some diagnostic testing was performed, such as HSGs and saline sonograms, there wasn't much else.  My specialist here is putting us through the the medical gauntlet by conducing several diagnostic tests before making their diagnosis and suggesting treatment. 

It is suspected, though not yet confirmed, that I have a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  It answers a lot of mysteries about me, such as adult acne, oily skin, overweight, anxiety/depression as well as fertility issues, of course.  A caveat on the weight issue - while PCOS is an attributing factor, I always have to put it out there that I fully accept responsibility for my weight gain.  Those who know me know I haven't been the most faithful to the regime of healthy eating and exercising.  From doing research, I know that PCOS cannot be cured, only managed.  In speaking with the doctor today though, I learned if there is any reproductive issue you'd want to have (as if anyone wanting children would want a reproductive issue of any kind) this would be it.  It is apparently easily managed once diagnosed, and women can have successful pregnancies.  

So where do we stand?  Right now we still have about four or five more diagnostic tests to go through.  Gratefully they are open 7 days a week, and many appointments can be scheduled on weekends so I don't have to a) miss work, and b) fight weekday traffic on 405.  Once these tests are finished and the results have been collected and analyzed, I will have a visit to discuss everything and with my doctor decide together the best course of action / treatment.  Surgery will be required again, though the extent is still being determined.  Medication will be required, which scares us some, because while our insurance covers the doctor's visits, diagnostic tests and even the surgery, it does not cover any fertility treatments, including fertility medication.  Bill and I know that God did not put this in front of us for hardship sake alone.  There is a window he's opened for us, there is a path he will show us to take - we know it.  If there is anything I am lacking it is faith, and this is probably one of the best ways to force me to grow in faith.  

In the mean time, we continue to prepare for our July wedding, work the jobs are are so grateful for, gear up for Cole's much anticipated visit beginning next weekend, spoil the crap out of our dogs and love one another.  My heart became swollen with that last one...  We are not perfect, individually or as a couple, but I cannot speak about this journey without saying how much I love my husband.  His patience, support, love, comfort, humor have been integral in helping us navigate these choppy waters.  I am such a spoiled wife, and in all the ways that truly count.  He gives me the most pure, unconditional love.  He holds me when I cry,  laughs with me when I'm feeling silly, gives me wings when I need to fly and is there when I come back down.  

We have been going through a lot - more than some, and less than others.  The wedding planning has been challenging in ways, financially being one of them.  Despite it all, Bill has been intent on letting me have the full bridal experience.  He has come home with bride magazines, whispered in my ear as I headed out the door with my mom and friend to go dress shopping to "have fun, enjoy yourself," assembled invitations, and helped tied those stubborn bows on all the wedding favors.  His actions speak volumes.  

I could go on for forever, I'm pretty emotional this morning and feeling inspired to write, but I'll stop here.  Pray for us, as we pray for all of our friends and family every night.  We know we're blessed - if we quite receiving blessings today we still would have received more than we deserved.  Stop and think of all you have, everything and everyone that is around you.  We all have more than we realize.  All our love.    

iMac

Yay!  Our new iMac is here!  The screen is huge, the keyboard is micro and the only thing familiar about the mouse is the shape.  We have so much to learn but are stoked it's finally here!  We had a bit of a problem with FedEx - that is to say FedEx had some confusion in thinking they delivered it when they never did.  Funny!  

I also went in for my final fitting for my wedding dress today and brought it home.  The wedding is taking shape and the closer we get the more excited I am becoming.  We have been so blessed with friends and family both generous monetarily and with their time.  This has been a pretty overwhelming process for me and I honestly have to tip my hat to the brides who have come before me and just dove into the planning fearlessly.  I love being married, not getting married per se.  

Anyway, dinner is almost ready so I'd better go.  I just wanted to post some updates and okay, I'll admit it, type on the micro keyboard.  So fun!  All our love xo

Oy-Veh

Wow, the frequency of new posts has diminished since Bill's return! We have been busy living life - work, dogs, moving, wedding planning, etc. We're grateful for the normalcy in our lives and enjoy coming home at night to relax on the couch and watch the dogs play.

We're soon-to-be proud new iMac owners, and we're so excited! It doesn't arrive until Tuesday, but I'm already a hard-core convert. We got a smoking deal on it through my company and the timing was perfect since after having our desktop in for repairs it was recently determined it was kaput. That's part of the reason for the writing dry spells and lack of any new pictures.

There is no doubt we are incredibly blessed, our lives have been touched so much. We are however struggling with starting our family still. I had my corrective surgery planned for May 5th, but oddly I never started my cycle and therefore we had to postpone the surgery (since it can only occur between the 7th and 11th day of my cycle). Here we are 19 days later and we're at a standstill - three negative pregnancy tests and my second dose of Provera (to induce my cycle)...nothing. Our frustration is compounded by the fact my specialist is back in Missouri, so seeing him takes a great deal of planning and financial commitment. We pray every night for some alleviation, some steam to hiss out of the pressure cooker, but waiting is the only thing we have been able to count on here recently.

The emotions of all this has taken a toll on us too. This week in particular has been rough, and bless Bill's heart most he can do for me is watch me cry until I fall asleep from exhaustion. I have never met a more patient man, and I couldn't be more grateful for him. So here I am, back to asking for prayers and good thoughts for our family. I thought we'd be golden after he returned home, but it seems God has some other things in mind for us right now.

I know we're not the only ones with hardships and/or frustrations, so with that I sincerely say I hope everyone's doing well and finding themselves incredibly blessed. All our love.

New Arrivals

Bill and I have been busy adding to our home and family lately. The most recent addition is a 3-month-old yellow Labrador named Reese. We have wanted a second dog for a while, specifically a Lab, and we were lucky enough to find just right one. In order for me to explain how we got her, I first have to talk about the other new additions.

With the wedding fast approaching, we were feeling stressed about furniture and the fact we really didn't have much. Bill and I decided to replace our little blue couch with a large comfortable sectional and decided to add a formal dining room set to the bill, too. As the movers were delivering our furniture, Bill and I were talking about wanting another dog, specifically a Lab. One of the delivery men said he had a lab who had in fact recently breed with another Lab just a few houses down. Their doggy union produced a litter, and out of that litter there was just one yellow female remaining. Bill has always had his heart set on a chocolate, but we exchanged numbers anyway just in case.

Bill ended up calling him the next day to see about going and seeing her, but we were told there was another lady heading over to check her out. He received a call back after that conversation to say that prospect had flaked and we could come see her. We arrived to the owner's house to meet her, her mother and her grandmother. While she was a yellow, Bill couldn't resist her sweet disposition and her sweet and intelligent eyes. When we got back in the truck with her, Jovi was scaling us and the seats in order to give her a thorough sniffing. That night wasn't very restful, but not because of Reese - Jovi was like a kid at Christmas who was so excited he couldn't quit waking up to try and play with her.

The first day with us, Jovi was intimidating to her and she didn't fight back much. It didn't take long though for her to become comfortable and now they run around the house and yard chasing after one another, biting each other playfully, napping together, etc. Currently they are both on the couch next to me fast asleep after nearly two hours of playing this morning. Our biggest challenge right now is keeping them apart so we can grab a moment of peace. We are so excited though to have her and feel that our family is complete for the time being. We hope when the two-legged children arrive they will be as loving and playful with them as they have been to each other.

All our love!

Busy

Wow, it's crazy to think we've been here for nearly a month already. Life has us pretty busy these days! We are in the middle of planning our wedding and gratefully I found my dress after just one day of shopping! It's simple, beautiful and I'm excited to wear it. Tonight we went and bought furniture and we are so excited to get it tomorrow! The days here continue to get nicer as we approach summer, and those long summer days are throwing us off. I don't think we've managed to have dinner before 8:30 these last two nights! We hope everyone is doing well, and I'll update again soon. All our love.

Finally!

We've arrived! Okay, we arrived three weeks ago but things have been hectic to say the least. We weren't as packed as we thought we were come moving day, and instead of being the responsible tenants we were known and loved for by our apartment manager, I dreaded making that call to her saying we wouldn't be able to clean the apartment before we left. We vacuumed and wiped things down, but being my mother's daughter, that simply wasn't the level of clean I am used to when leaving a house/apartment. Our manager was understanding though, and told me to worry about our move and not the apartment.

We were like a ban of gypsies - the caravan consisted of us, Bill's parents, the Mace's, her parents and the Farabee's. Also in tow was the Farabee's 2-year-old daughter, our dog Jovi, the Mace's dog Scooter, and her parent's dog whose name escapes me at the moment. We struggled to stay on schedule right from the beginning; last minute we realized the route we had chosen to travel was less than ideal as the plains were being inundated with snow, storms, tornados and the like. Once re-routed, and once all the hotels we re-booked, we were on our way via I-80. Things were looking pretty good until we reached Laramie, WY where we ended up being snowed-in for an extra day. I've never had the experience where road workers actually locked the gates on the Interstate due to weather conditions.

It wasn't so much the amount of snow as it was the drifting snow and high winds, which combined made for some pretty wicked white-out conditions. The ice didn't help, either. For the duration of the trip Bill and I traveled in the 28' moving truck while his parent's lead the way (along w/ Jovi) in our truck which was hauling my vehicle. The scariest and most uncertain part of the trip is when in a surreal and scary moment, we watched my vehicle which was being towed begin to fish tail on the car dolly. It was even scarier when we saw that the sway was so forceful it was starting to take the bed of the truck with it. Thankfully Nancy was at the helm and corrected beautifully not only saving themselves, but our vehicles and pet too. The windshield wipers on the moving truck and the windshield itself became so iced over at one point we had to pull over to scrape it off just so we could see. It was at that time a road worker pulled off, yelled at us to get off the road as we were sitting ducks, and to hurry and get our rear-ends into Laramie because they were closing the I-80 right behind us. It took us an hour to drive the last 18 miles into Laramie.

Gratefully we arrived to our hotel rooms and hunkered down for the night. When we checked the weather report and road conditions in the morning, we learned parts of I-80 were still closed and so that, combined with the fact that one of the people traveling with us had been subjected to food poisoning the night before, we decided it best to stay put. We decided to make the most of it though and unloaded my vehicle from the car dolly, took the dolly off the truck and went into Laramie to have breakfast and do a little shopping. It may have been frustrating to lose a day on the road, but the relaxation that came with it wasn't bad at all.

We made it the rest of the way without incident and arrived to our new home. Of course we were greeted with snow/rain/slush as we unloaded the truck into an absolutely freezing home. The delay caused us to miss our appointment with the gas company and so we didn't have heat or hot water until that following Monday. My in-laws decided to stay in a hotel (frankly, I would've done the same) until the heat was back on, and they returned to Missouri the following day.

Since we've been here, we've unpacked maybe 70%. Work has kept us very busy, never mind the need to try and catch up on some sleep. Now in our sights are my impending surgery and the wedding that will follow shortly thereafter. My surgery is a repeat of the last, except this time my doctor will take the larger uterine fibroid that was left last time, in addition to the new fibroid and new endometriosis, which will make for a longer recovery time (one month to be exact). The wedding is scheduled for mid-July. We wouldn't bother with the expense and time that a wedding takes, except we want so badly for friends and family to be apart of it with us. I am also looking forward to wearing the wedding dress, which I am going shopping for tomorrow with my mom and my good friend Lindsey.

As for Bill, he's doing great. OWT right now is cake, and I'm glad it's so. Bill has worked so hard these last several years that he deserves an easier gig for a while. His unit here is going to Texas for a couple of months, but he will remain at Fort Lewis with some other OWT Soldiers. Fort Lewis is gearing up for a large-scale mobilization of Soldiers so come this fall, it'll be a ghost town around here. Bill is eager to share what he knows to get these Soldiers trained and ready to face what lies ahead of them. I can't think of anyone better to teach them either, given his years on the police department, multiple deployments and years in the military.

As for Cole, he has chosen to stay in Kansas with his mom. It's understandable, but we still are sad that we don't have him with us full-time. He will visit during the summer, spring and at Christmas time. We got him a cell phone before we left for easier communication and, while he struggles remembering to actually check it, it's money well spent.

Jovi's enjoying the larger house and the fenced yard. It's taken some adjustment for him in that his mom doesn't work from home anymore and while it's not a full day in his crate, it's still an every day thing for at least a few hours which he's not used to. Gratefully there are so many dog parks in this area, and one we found and just love is only 6 miles from the house. Hoorah! Now we can all keep sane.

We hope everyone is well. Thanks for all the support, phone calls, e-mails, etc. We send all our love, and I'll definitely be keeping up more regularly on the blog.

Cole's 12th Birthday

In February we celebrated Cole's birthday at the Great Wolf Lodge in KC, KS. It was a blast - four boys, a water park, arcade center, shops, ice cream... I'm suddenly picturing the the place all the bad little boys went in Pinocchio.

I tried to resist actually playing at the water park myself. I told myself no, I was going to show restraint and just sit there and watch the boys play. That lasted about a half hour before those big water slides started tempting my inner child. I enjoyed them as much as the boys, and then the next day got to enjoy them more when Bill was able to join us and I finally got a buddy to go down the bigger slides as a double.

It was a great experience, and a lot of fun. It's a birthday I don't think any of us will soon forget.