Mission: Baby

As many of you know by now, Bill and I are on a mission to start our family.  We had a brief glimmer of hope when I became pregnant more than a year ago, but that hope was soon dashed when I miscarried and Bill left for a year to Iraq.  Six months after his return, we are back at square one working with specialists, this time here in Washington.  

We found a great reproductive specialist(s) on the east side who are apparently considered the best on the west coast.  While I loved my specialist in Missouri, I am a little confused on how to feel when I reflect on my experience between the two.  My doctor in the Midwest performed surgery, which resulted in our first pregnancy, but I miscarried just 6 weeks after.  While some diagnostic testing was performed, such as HSGs and saline sonograms, there wasn't much else.  My specialist here is putting us through the the medical gauntlet by conducing several diagnostic tests before making their diagnosis and suggesting treatment. 

It is suspected, though not yet confirmed, that I have a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  It answers a lot of mysteries about me, such as adult acne, oily skin, overweight, anxiety/depression as well as fertility issues, of course.  A caveat on the weight issue - while PCOS is an attributing factor, I always have to put it out there that I fully accept responsibility for my weight gain.  Those who know me know I haven't been the most faithful to the regime of healthy eating and exercising.  From doing research, I know that PCOS cannot be cured, only managed.  In speaking with the doctor today though, I learned if there is any reproductive issue you'd want to have (as if anyone wanting children would want a reproductive issue of any kind) this would be it.  It is apparently easily managed once diagnosed, and women can have successful pregnancies.  

So where do we stand?  Right now we still have about four or five more diagnostic tests to go through.  Gratefully they are open 7 days a week, and many appointments can be scheduled on weekends so I don't have to a) miss work, and b) fight weekday traffic on 405.  Once these tests are finished and the results have been collected and analyzed, I will have a visit to discuss everything and with my doctor decide together the best course of action / treatment.  Surgery will be required again, though the extent is still being determined.  Medication will be required, which scares us some, because while our insurance covers the doctor's visits, diagnostic tests and even the surgery, it does not cover any fertility treatments, including fertility medication.  Bill and I know that God did not put this in front of us for hardship sake alone.  There is a window he's opened for us, there is a path he will show us to take - we know it.  If there is anything I am lacking it is faith, and this is probably one of the best ways to force me to grow in faith.  

In the mean time, we continue to prepare for our July wedding, work the jobs are are so grateful for, gear up for Cole's much anticipated visit beginning next weekend, spoil the crap out of our dogs and love one another.  My heart became swollen with that last one...  We are not perfect, individually or as a couple, but I cannot speak about this journey without saying how much I love my husband.  His patience, support, love, comfort, humor have been integral in helping us navigate these choppy waters.  I am such a spoiled wife, and in all the ways that truly count.  He gives me the most pure, unconditional love.  He holds me when I cry,  laughs with me when I'm feeling silly, gives me wings when I need to fly and is there when I come back down.  

We have been going through a lot - more than some, and less than others.  The wedding planning has been challenging in ways, financially being one of them.  Despite it all, Bill has been intent on letting me have the full bridal experience.  He has come home with bride magazines, whispered in my ear as I headed out the door with my mom and friend to go dress shopping to "have fun, enjoy yourself," assembled invitations, and helped tied those stubborn bows on all the wedding favors.  His actions speak volumes.  

I could go on for forever, I'm pretty emotional this morning and feeling inspired to write, but I'll stop here.  Pray for us, as we pray for all of our friends and family every night.  We know we're blessed - if we quite receiving blessings today we still would have received more than we deserved.  Stop and think of all you have, everything and everyone that is around you.  We all have more than we realize.  All our love.