So my idea was I'd focus more on blogging, less on Facebook. It was a good plan too, except I run into the issue of lack of time, energy or a combination of both. I want to write. As I drive to / from work ideas flood my mind of things to write about, but by the time I find the opportunity to write I can't keep my eyes open long enough to get the first two sentences out. Creativity has officially met parenthood, and parenthood is winning.
Ava loves when I gently lift up her hair and blow on the back of her neck. She was being ornery the other evening during story time so I lifted her hair and began blowing a cool gentle breeze on her warm neck. I focused in on the red stork bite she still has on the nape of her neck, and instantly remembered asking the nurses in the hospital right after I'd had her if that would fade. They guaranteed me it would. So far it has not. My query was more out of curiosity than anything else. Thinking of that moment in time, having my new baby girl, so curious about this brand new life and all her markings, I became overwhelmed and began to cry. Ava turned around and said "it's okay, mom." That dichotomy still gets me; I get lost in my mind over a moment of when she was a newborn only to have the moment flash forward to the reality that she's 2 and is consoling me now when I cry. She's more precious than anything on this earth.
Of course not all moments are Hallmark perfect. Did I mention she's ornery? She's crafty, too. So much so she scares us. We've converted her crib to a toddler bed because despite our attempts to counteract it, she's been crawling out, opening her door and finding us in the house. She's so proud of herself when she succeeds, too. She'll come walking out laughing and say "hi mommy!" She's a total girl, too, and not because of anything we're doing. She's into being a princess. Where'd she get that from? I don't say anything about princesses, and neither does Bill. Yesterday as I put away her laundry she insisted getting into the most frilly dress she saw, matching shoes, and said it was "so pretty," and "I'm a princess!" Yes baby, you are. Not in the way this world will try to condition you to believe though, but in the way your Father in Heaven sees you. You are His princess. I will fight tooth-and-nail against the definition of princess this world has. Entitled, selfish, self-serving. Ava is also into clothes in general. For example, we passed some clothes in a store the other day and she stopped to stroke the item and said to me "oh my gosh, it's so pretty!" What she doesn't know is I'm a sucker, and if she labored on loving it for too long I'd end up buy it for her. Heaven help me - seriously.
So why can I write now? My mom graciously picked Ava up yesterday around noon and kept her overnight. I didn't get near as much done around the house as I wanted, but the reprieve from being a mother for 15 or so hours was an intangible and invaluable gift. Thanks, mom. I feel rested, rejuvenated, and even got to enjoy a date night with Bill last night. I got to spend an evening with my husband that wasn't rushed or timed. It actually felt a little bit like we were dating again. I am blessed that I am in a happy marriage filled with mutual love and appreciation. Ava is blessed that her parents love each other. We are all together blessed for having God in our life who gives us all these things. Life will continue to net us ups and downs, blessings and opportunities to grow. I want to be worthy of all of them. I hope the next blessing we become worthy of is our second child. In His time, right?
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