Long Time No Talk

Wow, I think 7 months since my last post is a record...and not a very good one. Life has been chaotic, to say the least. Bill has been off orders since the very end of March and has been looking for work here in WA ever since. In the meantime, he stays at home with Ava during the day while I'm at work and he goes to school at night in pursuit of a degree in business management (don't hold me to that exact title). We had to make a choice - move back to Kansas and I quit my job, or stay here and he quit his job. It was an unfair and unfortunate reality to face, but it is what it is and we're taking it in stride. This is really the first time in our five years together that we've attempted to establish life in just one state. There's chance of a deployment at the first of the year, but we won't have any firm information on whether he's going until nearly right before.

I still work for my company as a technical writer in Auburn which affords me the flexibility we need, and for that we're grateful. I finally had my laptop imaged which allows me to work from home on occasion, but not full-time like I used to. I say that for any of you wondering why I didn't just go remote again. Management and mindsets change, that pretty much sums it up. But in this economy I'm grateful to have a job, and a decent one at that.

On to our beautiful girl, Ava. She's 7-months-old now and honestly words cannot describe what a joy and blessing she is in our lives. For the first three months we experienced the pains of gas and colic, but then discovered Gripe Water and we regained our sanity. She's in the 75th percentile for her head circumference and weight, and in the 90th percentile for her height. She seems to care less about crawling and scooting than she does about chatting up a storm. What's hilarious is she seems like she's actually having a conversation. She loves watching us talk and grabs our mouth whenever she can. She mimics us (which we need to start being more mindful of) and even mimics the dogs. Her big thing right now is growling, and she's getting the look that accompanies the growl down pat. We can't quit kissing her, I think it's impossible in fact. How do you not kiss what people describe as a cherub and/or the Gerber baby?

Cole continues to live in Kansas with his mom, and turns 14 this February. 14! He loves, loves, loves Ava and in fact even asked Bill the last time he was here what his bed time would be if he lived with us. I've never been the child of divorced parents, but I imagine it would be difficult deciding who to live with. If I had to guess he probably wishes for the best of both worlds to be blended into one. I can certainly empathize with that. It's disappointing for us not to have both kids under the same roof, but we understand the situation for what it is and move forward. We are pleased to see how well adjusted he is, and how Ava and him equally adore one another.

Jovi and Reese have unfortunately taken a backseat post-baby. Everyone can now say a collective "I told you so," because you did. I feel horrible because they were my first babies, especially Jovi, and I'll never forget the comfort and sanity Jovi was for me during my miscarriage, Bill's last deployment, living alone in a new state, etc. We hit up the dog park when time, energy and weather allows, and do evening family walks. Wherever Ava is, there's Reese. Laying down beside her on the blanket subjecting herself to whatever Ava does to her. We encourage gentleness with both baby and pet, but it seems more often repeated to Ava than the dogs. Jovi's gentle enough with her, but overall skiddish around her. Sudden movements and loud shreaking apparently aren't his thing. Maybe they'll be better buds when she's a toddler.

Shockingly, I miss Kansas. I miss living in a state that knows me as nothing else but a grown woman, wife and mother. I miss being 2 hours from my mother-in-law and I miss the wide open spaces (que Dixie Chicks). I miss Bill's friends and profession for him. Being unemployed is so much more than the money. We continue to pray for his employment here and with it an avenue that leads to more social opportunities. I'm not foolish enough to think I can be everything to him. I know, as does he, that it's important to have your friends, parents, siblings, etc. More than anything we pray to be in the right place at the right time doing the right things.

Well, that's all for now. I will try to blog more often, though I'll admit the biggest challenge lies in finding the time. We hope all is well with you and your family. All our love <3

She's Here!

At 11:20 p.m. on Friday, March 5th, Bill and I welcomed our daughter Ava Elise McClain into the world. Here's here stats: 7 lbs 7 oz, 19 in. long, 14 1/4 in. head circumference. She was born via c-section, which at first was an option to us but soon became pretty much our only choice for a few reasons. First, her baseline heart rate was increasing. Second, with some contractions (not all) her heart rate was falling, not rising like it should've been. Last, the medicines given to me to induce labor weren't working. Skip down a few lines if you are one who doesn't like to much information... The medicines weren't doing anything other than giving me (pointless) contractions. My cervix wasn't thinning nor was it dilating. Anyway, all we and our doctor wanted was a healthy baby and it didn't matter to any of us how that came about so long as it happened.

C-sections are an interesting thing. Not that I have vaginal births to compare it to, but surreal is really the only word I can say describes it. It's major surgery, but you're awake; not only are you awake, you're technically numb but as one doctor pushes down on your stomach and the other one pulls you can actually feel a body being taken from yours. That description might sound gory to some, but it felt like a miracle in the making to me. Now, I say "awake" loosely. I had so much medicine pumped into me that I drifted in and out of consciousness during time it took the doctors to take her from me, and gratefully for most of the post-delivery where I was being sewn up. I heard her first cry, which made me cry. It's indescribable to anyone because it's such a personal experience, but to hear your child take his or her first breath is a feeling that no word can justly explain.

Fast forward to when I was wheeled back upstairs, that's where I got to hold her for the first time. They held her to me to kiss her cheek in the OR, but after she was born they sent her and Bill back up to the room together to wait for me. If I thought I loved her that instant, it was quickly superseded by the next instant, and the next, and the next... I am to the point now where I can't seem to stop holding and kissing her. Her existence is a miracle to us, one we weren't ever sure would come to fruition.

I could type forever trying to feel like I've justly described how perfect and amazing she is, but what I feel can't be put into words. My doctor described this pregnancy as a "premium pregnancy," meaning that we wanted her so badly, and it was such a hard road to even become pregnant, and once pregnant we had to do so much to stay pregnant that the manner in which she was delivered was a no brainer. We'd come that far, why risk anything? I couldn't agree more. While I was pregnant I'll admit that I wondered if I'd ever want to do this again, but it took only that instant when I first saw her to think to myself "it was all worth it." A cliche phrase to most I know, but truly I would go through another 39 weeks of three shots a day to my stomach, the four blood sugar checks, the countless doctor's appointments, the IVs, epidural, etc. if in the end it meant I got...Ava.

Well, I have only a couple of hours until her next feeding so I'd better catch some sleep. By the way, when she's old enough to get the talk about boys and which ones to invest in and which to avoid, I'll just point to her dad as the example. Bill has been, and is, the unsung hero throughout everything. People look to the woman and yes, we give our bodies for the sake of our children, but husbands like Bill are in the background making life as easy as possible for us. They're tying our shoes, washing our feet when we're too big to reach them ourselves, they're encouraging us through the good, bad and scary. They're taking turns with diaper changes, feedings, more diaper changes after they either poop right after being changed or throw up. It never feels like he's helping me, he makes it feel like we're helping each other for the sake of our family. We always say "team McClain," and we mean it.

All our love.

Getting Close

Thursday marked my 35th week of pregnancy, and boy am I ready for her to come out! My utter lack of mobility and energy annoys the crap out of me, and after nearly a year of being pregnant I've forgotten almost what it feels like to not be pregnant. Makes me wonder how the mom from 19 Kids and Counting can keep popping out kids! Bill has been an awesome partner throughout from putting on and tying my shoes for me to reading to my stomach, I really have grown to love and admire him more over these last several months.

All-in-all we're ready for our daughter's arrival. Sure we don't have a completely decorated and assembled nursery, but I keep reminding myself that all that is more for the parents than the baby anyway. For the first 2-3 months we plan to have Ava in our room sleeping in the newborn sleeper that's a part of her pack n play. After that she'll move into her own room and sleep in her crib.

As for life right now my days are spent going to work and doctor's appointments. I have weekly fetal non-stress tests (NST) in addition to physical therapy. I didn't know the pelvic bone was actually two bones, and lo and behold my sweet unborn daughter had rendered the right side immobile resulting in horrible pain. Luckily that got corrected in just a couple of visits, and since then I go to PT so I can walk in the acquaciser. It's an underwater treadmill that allows me to walk without the weight from the pregnancy and my joints love it. I especially love feeling the circulation in my legs and seeing the swelling reduce dramatically in my feet and ankles. It's especially recommended for mom's with gestational diabetes since as many of you know diabetes affects circulation. Anyway, it's great and I've been incredibly grateful for it and my physical therapist.

It's my feeling the dogs can tell something is up, and they regularly walk over to Ava's closet to smell her clothes hanging in it. My mom of course worries with two 80 and 90 lb (respectively) dogs that she's going to wound up hurt or worse by them. We aren't worried though; like with any change a family welcomes, everyone has to adjust and kind of get re-trained. Our Labrador Reese has amazed us with her maternal side and when around small children and babies she hesitates to even lick them let alone jump or get too excited. Our Boxer Jovi on the other hand is a tornado of love and I think it'll take him a while longer to understand acceptable behavior around her. I've always described him as a 2-year-old with ants in his pants. He knows he's supposed to sit and be calm, but the wiggles overtake him and eventually we turn to laughing at his seemingly uncontrollable excitement. He'll get it though.

Well, I think I've rambled on long enough here. What I've written is the product of yesterday's motivation paired with this morning's groggy, haven't had my coffee yet, am I really awake state-of-mind. All our love!

Plugging Along

Long time no...well, you know the rest. I'd love to say I've been busy, but the truth of the matter is I've been succumbing to the fatigue of my third trimester. As of yesterday I am 30 weeks (that's 7 1/2 months for those of you not forced to speak in weeks) and feeling like crap, quite frankly. For the past week I've had excruciating back pain from my sciatic nerve and have a referral to see a physical therapist next week. While I am hoping the PA can figure something out, I'm not holding my breath. I believe my OB's exact words were "welcome to your third trimester." In the meantime I walk slowly, with a limp, and sit or lie down whenever possible. Bill's even been so kind as to give me a new nickname: Weebles. Ah honey, I love you too!

We have had an enjoyable holiday season, as I hope you all have too. We hosted for the first time ever this Thanksgiving and had my parents and our good friends the Mace's over. I cooked so much food I was forced to come to the realization that I am much like my mother in the kitchen. It was exhausting, but it felt so nice to be able to feed instead of be fed. Christmas was lower key than we would have liked, but vow next year to be better. Cole chose to stay in KS w/ his mother for the holiday so we called him that day and mailed him his gifts, though it made it all seem very cold and sterile. Again, we're hoping for a better year next year.

Bill is doing well and looking forward to the end of his time in OWT. The program, like many things in the military, wasn't all it was cracked up to be, and we're finding it now to be a blessing that we will not be pursuing a second year. We have some exciting options on our horizon and look forward to all the new year brings. All will be revealed in good time, but our daughter's birth is of course the number one thing we're anticipating. Admittedly I find myself daydreaming about her regularly; last night, as we watched my nieces and nephews as their parents were out on a date, I was combing one of the girl's hair after a bath and couldn't help but think before too long it'll be my daughter's hair I'll be combing. A wonderfully overwhelming thought, I must confess.

Well, we hope every one's doing well and that so far 2010 is proving to be a good year for all. No resolutions for me this year - instead, I am going to go for mindset which will be God, family and self. Even being able to admit that is where I want to go exhibits more faith than I've probably had since I was a little girl. I am slowly realizing the more I relinquish control, the more I realize God is looking out for me and my family. At 30 I feel like his slowest-learning child yet, but I'm trying.

All our love!